Things have been a little silly around this blog lately, read the last two posts and comments, if you don’t believe me. Thank you all for sticking with me. I needed that bit of levity. However, I’m going to go deeper today … though, knowing me, I won’t be too serious about it.
I don’t have a lot of “public” writing experience. All my life, I’ve composed tales in my mind, and I’ve written many of them down, but it’s fairly new for me to expose them to an outsider’s critical eye. So, I’m still working on the confidence angle. I’m easily disheartened by doubt. I tend to believe that every writer knows more than I do about the craft. Well, someone posed a question about one of my characters and BAM! … I’ve been on life support this past week.
I’ve blogged about this before. I knew what was happening, and I was pretty sure it wouldn’t last, but there’s always that sniggling voice in the back of my mind saying, this time, I really needed to face the fact that I can’t write. Or, at least, I can’t finish this novel. Maybe the whole premise is stupid; the characters are weak, confused, ridiculous; there’s no story; there’s too much story; or maybe not—maybe I just have no clue how to write. Never did. Never will.
But … but … but, I want to write this story. It’s not an important story. It’s not going to change the world, change your outlook on life, or even change the batteries in your remote, but I love this story. I love the characters. I’m passionate about this book. And my passion counts for something, right? NO!!! Passion counts for a lot.
A couple days ago, I looked through some photos of portraits I’ve done and picked out a favorite to share with someone. It hit me that the reason that I’m proud of that work is not only because it’s technically well executed, but because I felt something about the person. And those feelings came through. That passion flowed into my work. The portrait is alive.
So, I’m back to work now. I’m writing my story, my way … and it’s breathing quite well.
I can state -- almost unequivocally -- that the title of this blog does not refer to my mental state. It refers to my writing, which does, of course, flow out of my mind. Sometimes the process of writing is messy, sometimes weird, sometimes beautiful -- and always harder than I wish, but I love it. As I wander back into the real world from time to time, I hope to entertain you with my musings.
Critiquers are a wonderful thing provided you know when to ignore their advice and follow your heart. I have enough self-doubt about my own writing that unless I receive two very conflicting suggestions, I can be led astray. That’s why it’s important to have several critiquers. Don’t get caught up on one comment. (I hope I wasn’t the question poser)
Well, my love/hate relationship with critique groups is well-documented on this blog. Yes, I know, I’m just too Meredith, when I need to be more Renee (finger gesture implied.)
And no, you were not the “poser” I refered to.
Good for you…do it your way! Don’t listen…every critic wants something different and your story will get distorted. Stick to what you want to write…and good luck!
Thank you, Christine, I believe I will.
I’m glad YOUR story YOUR way is breathing.
Changing the world is a fairly high bar, but so is changing the batteries in the remote.
Still breathing … Shall I set my sights lower, then?
Possibly … perhaps bringing tears and chills and laughter to millions?
btw, SHE WRITES could endanger my day job, but thanks for point it out!
Cathryn, what are you doing at She Writes? I’m following a couple groups, but so far not too involved.
I’ve only joined two groups, but there are so many great discussion topics in the fiction group, I can’t seem to “shut up”
I’ll follow your comments to lead me to the hot discussions.
Linda, keep plugging away and get that story told. We are all plagued by doubts. You are not alone in that (obviously I know the feeling all too well
) A post like this helps to calm those little demons when you realize others feel the way you do and that you ARE a wonderful writer. You ARE.
I look forward to reading your book one day!
Thanks for the support. Some of us do sabotage ourselves, don’t we? And those that do should probably have their blogging privileges revoked!
Well, maybe not revoked but temporarily suspended while we undergo an attitude adjustment.
I have a feeling if that was ever really implemented there would be a lot fewer posts on WP on a daily basis. We’re probably all guilty of it once in a while…;)
Well, maybe I will eventually get stuck halfway between giddy and depressed. Though, that might be rather dull.
Linda, hang on to that passion, it can be your lifeboat to save you through the waters of self-doubt. And I go through all those days of “I’ll never make it as a writer, what am I possibly thinking?!!” all the time. And then, somehow, one day, I wake up and forget all those worries and start writing. It sucks that we all go through so much worry (really, does any other profession have so much angst?) but it’s the greatest feeling when we the passion to write overcomes it all.
Oh, certainly the writing highs are as high as the lows are low. And I’ve read enough writers-on-writing to know that even the bestselling authors are on the same rollercoaster. Enjoy yourself in India!
Who’s to say what is an “important” story?
Hang in there missy.
Passion is a good thing.
p.s. Your art is amazing.
:0)
True, Karen, sometimes it’s important to have an escape from realworld, isn’t it?
And thank you for appreciating the other thing.
I’ve heard there are totally confident writers who know they’re amazing and never doubt their abilities, but I’ve never actually met one. Once (probably stopped by self-doubt), I asked my friend what it meant that given the opportunity to write or wash dishes, I washed dishes. She said, “It means you’re a writer.”
Hang in there, Linda.
Ha ha, I just read an article by some famous writer who listed all the things she was doing to delay sitting down to start her fifth book. She said she got amazing efficient at housework at times like that. I’d link to it, but have no idea how I came across it.
Judy – I love that quote!
Your sniggling voice says exactly the same things as mine! I think it’s the same voice, a mind demon bent on preventing writers everywhere from accomplishing anything. Or, maybe not.
You think maybe someday we’ll learn not to listen?
We’ll learn, though I think the demon will always return to test us.
I need to keep my guard up.
Linda, this is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this! I am glad you are listening to your inner writer – passion spills into work – and that is what I want to read!
Oh, and by the way, I can only speak for myself, but I know that demon as well, i think i just mentioned him in response to a comment on my blog. Do not take him seriously – have a glass of wine instead, or ice cream, or black jelly beans
Thank you, Jennifer, I’m trying to write more from the heart now because my head keeps paralyzing me.