Do you think this Blue Muse is pretty? Pretty poison is more like it.
Some of you have read this blog since the beginning, and though I’ve tried to keep my posts in the vein of positive affirmations, I’ve also let through a post or two written after I crashed with “post-critique syndrome.” As most writers do, I struggle with confidence in my writing. But until now, I’ve been able to quickly move past it and press on because I saw it coming or, at least, recognized it for what it was.
My recent experience has been more insidious. This time, it was not one big thing, but an accumulation of small things that turned my Muse blue. I was blind to the process and devastated when discouraging thoughts started flying furiously at me. I can’t write. I’ve reached my limit of ability. I shouldn’t even be blogging. And on and on. Every one of those thoughts presented itself as reasonable. It was time to face facts.
I reached out to a few writer friends who graciously shared their insights and encouragement. And then, three more things happened in as many days. One of my sons, who had no idea of my discouragement, has just completed writing a book of Wynton Marsalis trumpet solo transcriptions. He stopped by and talked about how tedious the work was and how, many times, he had to force himself not to quit. Then, one of my daughters-in-law mentioned that to get ahead in her field of financial accounting, it’s not necessarily how well-qualified you are, but whether or not you’re persistent. And finally, I picked up my copy of More magazine and read this quote from Mariska Hargitay: “The only reason I have the career I have is that I didn’t quit.”
Message received.
I can state -- almost unequivocally -- that the title of this blog does not refer to my mental state. It refers to my writing, which does, of course, flow out of my mind. Sometimes the process of writing is messy, sometimes weird, sometimes beautiful -- and always harder than I wish, but I love it. As I wander back into the real world from time to time, I hope to entertain you with my musings.
Well said, Mariska. And Linda. I love when the universe connects the dots for us.
Synchronicity is marvelous, isn’t it?
This post is so honest and sincere and real. I think it’s wonderful that though you’ve struggled recently, all those random occurrences converged to re-inspire you. Reading/editing the manuscript is at times wonderful and at times discouraging – I’ve felt both today. This was a timely word for me, too.
Thanks!
You’re welcome, Kayla. I felt the need to speak honestly, and like telling everyone you’re starting a diet, I hope my “public confession” will keep me going.
Linda, thanks so much for sharing this. That freakin muse has been coloring me with various shades of blue. Just when I was about to throw my hands up in the air away from my keyboard, here you come in like a God sent blessing with your wise blog post. Again, thanks.
Robminx
“that freakin muse”–now we’re talking.
Laughing out loud.
Thanks, Robin, I’m so glad now that I spoke freely. Some days I guess we should just play Whack-a-Muse.
I can never hear that message enough. Thank you, Linda.
You’re welcome. I’m thinking I need to get it tattooed on my right hand so I see it every day.
You are definitely not alone, Linda. The blue muse has visited me as well. I look at how hard it is to get a leg up in this business. I’m told it or read it almost daily, so it’s hard not to get discouraged and feel like I’ll never measure up. I so know what you are feeling. Thank you for putting it so beautifully into words. Hang in there. You are absolutely talented and should most definitely continue to blog.
Don’t you sometimes feel like you’re living in two worlds at once? In one would your convinced that if you just work hard you WILL be published and in the other world you’re certain only a select few are published in today’s market. It’s a kind of insanity.
I’m fighting that Blue Muse with a vengeance today, and it looks like this blog will remain public.
Totally feel like I’m living in those two worlds. Glad to hear you are staying public. So many people get so much from your blog posts of your journey:)
Thank you, Cristina. I know we’re always going to struggle with confidence, but I hope you’re only a little bit blue because you’re an awesome writer.
I ADMIRE YOU ALL FOR AT LEAST SUBMITTING YOUR WORK…MY CRAZY FEARS, HAVE KEPT ME FROM DOING SO. I WRITE ALMOST DAILY…BUT NEVER SUBMIT. AT LEAST YOU MAKE IT OUT OF THE GATE.
What are you afraid of, Robin?
long story short, the belief that i actually can. i’ve spent a lifetime taking care of others and assisting in their successes. but when it comes to me, it feels like how do i have the audacity to even think i could. i’m not sure if i’m afraid of success or failure?
Ah-h, fear of success … I’m well acquainted. Fear of failure, not so much. I’ve failed; I lived. I’ll fail again. It’s the fear of the unknown that paralyzes me … success is an unknown. You don’t have to be published. Would you be all right with that? If not, then you have no choice but to risk it. I know it’s almost impossible to do, but you have to have the mindset that rejection of a particular piece of writing is NOT a rejection of all your writing, nor is it a rejection of YOU. Do it. Don’t tell anyone, if you don’t want to. You might be pleasantly surprised. If not, you won’t die. You’ll get mad and try harder.
Well said both. Somebody once told me that people who can write, should, for all of us who can’t. I suspect Good Will Hunting is in there somewhere but who cares! I don’t know if I can write or not but I know that I do and that sometimes people like it. The millions that don’t like it or don’t look? Well, they probably like someone else and bring that same little frisson to them. Go out and get it, it won’t come to you on its own, and you can’t be arrested! You can’t, can you? Er…
I will paraphrase a quote from some famous writer (I’m too lazy to look it up, it’s Saturday): Don’t wait for success to come to you, go out and grab it by the throat! I just forgot that for a moment.
My muse is complex: today I have been trying not to be too overwhelmed by my at-times overly complicated plot.
Coming up with lots of ideas is fun.
Writing scenes is lots of fun.
The part in the middle, pounding out the structure that connects those ideas and characters in ways that make sense –
That can be Very hard.
Linda, glad you’re still online. Perseverance should be the word for the day, the week.
And, Paul, I’m right there with you…I’m rewriting my WIP now (right after I post this comment), and the “part in the middle”…phew. One page at a time.
I need to make it my word of the year. I think I’ll make the Little Engine that Could my muse!
Is this Mt. Echo? It seemed you did fine in the episodes that I read. Have you made major changes? Come on, just do it!
Yeah, like I think I wrote you at great length before: many big changes in the first three episodes completely invalidate what I had plotted for the next five or so, in which characters were moving far too slowly in light of what happened in ep3.
So I have to toss a lot out, if not most of it. And then tie up the rest in a fast-paced few episodes.
And it does not help that due to holidays and lots of business travel [cough], I barely looked at it for months!
Months? Well, no wonder you’re having a hard time getting into it.
I don’t remember that you told me about major changes in the first three episodes. I thought it was a change in direction for those after 3. But I’m going to look at my old emails to be sure. Not that that’s a bit of help to you.
Maybe there is some cosmic radiation interferring with the minds creative ability this week. Many of the creative minds I know have suffered some form of funk in the past few weeks.
Fortunate for me I sent the Blue Muse packing. Although it took some soul searching and a lot of Blackberry tea to reopen that portal to creative liberty. Of course, now my creative thoughts are disjointed and scattered, but at least they have returned.
Yay, for you! Take that, Blue Muse.
I’m glad to see your blog will remain public! Pretty poison … I love it.
Yeah, I’m shooting for that blogger of the year award. So. Not. True.
Hi Linda, way to keep going! That is the most important trick to writing — never giving up. Here’s hoping your muse turns in her blueness!
She’s turning pretty red in the face right now because I’m ignoring and querying, entering a contest, and submitting. Yep, she’s steamed.
Thanks for sharing the messages that motivated you. I think we all needed to hear it. I read one just yesterday that I consider timely to my self-doubt.
“You only grow by coming to the end of something and by beginning something else”–by T.S Garp. John Irving’s fictional author character in The World According to Garp.
Garp claims he does not write faster, or more, than other writers; he simply worked with the idea of completion in mind.
That is where I need to switch my focus. Stop worring about how long it takes and what other writers are achieving and focus on completion and starting another project. Keep your eye on the prize, whatever you consider to be the prize.
I haven’t read the book, nor seen the movie. You are near the end, aren’t you? Grow. Grow.
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I love it when the Universe makes us sit up and pay attention. You are lucky, you saw the signs and knew what they meant. Sometimes people, unwisely, pass those things off or don’t even notice.
We all have our low times, it’s only natural. We become impatient with the process. Even reaching a goal of publication does not mean that the self-doubt has vanished. I have one published novel and I sometimes find myself wondering if there will be another. Nothing in this business is a given. Although I’d never want to take such things for granted.
I know you’ll make it, Linda. When the time is right, everything seems to come into place. It will be that way for you!!
Thanks for being a cheerleader, Laura.
You know part of the problem is that I had slipped on writing every day. I think that gave a bigger foothold to my doubts than usual. We have to be ever vigilant.
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