I can be ridiculously petty, envious, and jealous. That’s something I wish I hadn’t learned about myself in the four years since I started writing for publication. And there’s no logic to these feelings.
Why envy the sales of an author who has fifteen published novels and a well-funded marketing team? And writes in a different genre—a hot one?
Why resent an author for being the darling of certain groups when I don’t even want to join those groups?
What sense does it make to be jealous of a writer who’s had umpteen stories published in literary magazines when I never submit any of mine?
And on and on and on. A waste of energy. A pathetic self-indulgence. A comparison of apples to oranges.
In all of life, a personal sense of success depends on your perspective. Pettiness, envy, jealousy, any negative emotion, keeps you lying in the dirt looking up. All writers publish because they want to share their work with others, and we all hope many others. There’s a larger market for some genres and types of writing than for others—apples and oranges.
One problem today is that authors, even traditionally published ones, are required to be more involved in the marketing side. It’s too easy to start comparing when so many authors are online shouting out sales figures and rankings, and giving advice—You too could be a publishing phenomenon, if you follow these six easy steps! Comparison leads to dissatisfaction. We see ourselves as less successful.
Too often, I let envy and jealousy steal any sense of success from me. My perspective skews. I wrote a book that already hundreds of people have read! How can I keep forgetting that? And I’m not finished writing. Who knows what I might accomplish a year or twenty from now? In the grand scheme of my writing career, I’m just beginning.
How’s the view from your perspective?
I think it’s just natural. I get jealous of other writers too, but instead of letting it get me down, I let it make me more determined. I try to remember that once, those successful authors I’m jealous of were just like me, trying to make it in the world of writing. They were probably jealous of authors too. One day, if we’re very lucky and we work hard enough, we could be authors that aspiring writers are jealous of. I think it’s just a writer’s skewed way of looking up to people, and that the basis of being jealous of a successful writer is actually admiration we’re too embarassed to admit.
Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment, Rewan. The determination to do better is the positive side to envy. If we just stick to that, we’ll do well.
The other day I thought, “Dang it! Look how successful that author is! And movie rights! And billions of people loving her and her book and the movie! I suck~! I SUCK!” That was with Hunger Games (I’ve not read the book or seen the movie) and every time I saw a commercial I’d feel that I SUCK!
Then I thought, “But wait, Kat. Would you write that kind of book? is that your genre? Could you would you do it?” And the answer is no. That’s not the kind of book I could successfully write. So why be envious of that, for something out of my realm of what I do and who I am as an author? It helped me not to feel a failure when I saw commercials for the movie and the thousands of thronging fans screaming! *laugh*
But, where I feel that sense of “failure” is when a novel that IS something I could or would have written makes it big – I then think “Why not me? why not my novel? what’s wrong with me?” Fruitless thinking but it rears up.
My son once told me: “Do you know how many writers would kill to be where you are right now?” And I know it’s all relative. I’m making royalties – I have 5 books out (one’s a novella, but still) – and working on the 6th – so – yeah.
As an aside but it’s related — Thomas Kinkaide died of complications to returning to his drinking. He was an alcoholic. Because he felt a “failure” — millions of dollars and many many beloved ‘fans’ and still he felt a failure because of critics saying he was a “sell out” and it hurt him deeply – Money isn’t always the answer – the answer really lies within our own self and how we accept who and what we are – how we are true to who and what we are — all the rest is mostly out of our control.
this comment is too long! lawd!
Exactly, Kat! Apples and oranges.
But I’ve experienced the other too — look at her, this is her first novel and she’s self-published and she’s FAMOUS! Why not meeeeeee?
It truly is about our perspective. There’s a good lesson to be learned from Kinkaide’s sense of failure. We need to assess our talent to set our goals realistically. For instance, if I decide that true success for me depends on my writing being lauded in The New Yorker, I’m setting myself up for frustration and a sense of failure. Like you said, we have to “accept who and what we are”.
And you have my permission to write a “novella” here any time.
And even when we make it to some “Point We Think is Golden” it is never enough – not that we are greedy, but in this business you have to stay on top apparently – or you have to be on top of whomever is on top – and on and on it goes!
I have a friend who is a NYT best-seller a few times over and has thousands of readers who love this author – when I asked why no books lately, the person said it just was too much . . . too stressful too hurtful. Here I was thinking this author had it all. I don’t know -it gives me pause on thinking about “goals” but more important – on how I should feel grateful for where I am, wherever that is. Enjoy the NOW, you know?
That’s so sad, Kat. And it gives me pause too. “Enjoy the NOW” … sounds like a plan.
yes! That’s how I want to do this — and it makes me much happier. I love living the positive!
Free to be you and me, Kat.
omg! I wrote a novella up there *laughing*
Very good questions Linda and your commenters are right. Keep writing and keep writing and keep writing. Self comparison is a thief of creativity. Hugs, Chris
“Self comparison is a thief of creativity.” So true, Chris!
OMG That is so me as well. I try not to be jealous but it creeps in when I am not looking. I have also seen the opposite, which caught me totally off guard, that is writer friends being envious of me! A couple of writer friends have distanced themselves from me since I have been published and they have not. Weird? Just keep writing is the best advice. I like what Chris said too about self comparison.
Thanks for letting me know you sometimes feel this way too, Darlene. It’s hard to be generous and competitive at the same time, isn’t it?
Your mention of writer friends distancing themselves from you because you’re published reminded me of those old shampoo commercials with the line “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” I’m thinking now of some friendships that have suffered in the last year or so and I’m asking myself which of us drifted away first?
Hi Linda,
Just keep on doing what you do best, the rest will take care of itself. I am loving the new theme, great job!
Thanks, Marcia.
I can’t help but to agree with what The Hyperteller stated. I feel this way sometimes.
WHEN: I become jealous of a certain writer I try to figure out why. Are they better than me? Do they suck in comparison/or is their writing trite? Is it because I WISH I could write in that tone/genre/style? Am I envious of their magnanimous personality and their ability to connect with other people/readers/writers? Do I wish I had their drive/talent/determination?
As you can tell by the questions I pose, most of the time I’m jealous because I admire the other writer. Unfortunately, I’m still human.
Everyone in the little group I was in either bowed out early (even when their writing was phenomenal like Kathan Ink.) or had a successful publication while I still kicked the same mistakes in the spine of my writing, over and over without improvement. There is a certain self-imposed shame in being last/worst/unsuccessful.
Some writers have the conqueror’s attitude. When defeated that IS what makes them try harder to get ahead. It can be out of spite, anger, jealousy, or maybe even some positive emotion; but, I’m a realist. In a race, the worst runner always finishes last. That’s when I started seriously looking at my writing and the chances of me ever having any smidgeon of success. So, instead of being jealous I simply quit and left the big boy/girl pants on the rack for the adults.
Well, T.A., I’m not sure I agree with you. Maybe the last runner in the race was just having a bad day. Maybe in the next race, or the one after that, she would’ve won. Or maybe she was a marathon runner trying to compete in sprints.
Hyperteller said: One day, if we’re very lucky and we work hard enough, we could be authors that aspiring writers are jealous of.
Of course, that’s assuming we don’t give up.
That’s assuming we can walk away and forget we ever wanted to wear those big girl pants.
Also, even if the worst runner does finish last, they still finish. Crossing the line is what matters, not the time. Perhaps you’re putting too much pressure on yourself? I know what’s like, waking up and looking at yourself in the mirror, wanting to shout ‘Why aren’t you published yet?’ Have you stopped writing completely, or just you’ve stopped writing with the intent to publish/for anyone else to see? As for finding the same mistakes, perhaps you’re not approaching trying to fix them in the right way. That’s why talking with other writers is a great thing to do – they can point out what keeps going wrong, but they can also suggest fixes
And to respond to Linda’s point about walking away – just out of curiosity do you ever get that writing itch? Ever think ‘I could always give it another go…’
And I do get the itch. But if I should give it another go, I think I’ll take care to start with a task much smaller than a novel and see if I can manage to wrangle something worth sharing with others from there.
Unfortunately, I can walk away from noveling with little to no regret. It’s not that I’ve stopped writing completely. I do still dabble with poetry and I’m writing personal essays that I intend to bind and leave behind for my children. I only think that my dreams of being a novelist were premature, having not the level of skill required to produce something publishable.
However you express yourself, T.A., I hope it fulfills you.
My dream was premature too, but there you go …
I appreciate your honesty here, Linda. So often we are ashamed or afriad to admit these things. We all like to give the perception that we’re perfect a lot of the time.
I do think this is fairly common or I hope it is. Not many are willing to admit it though. It is sometimes tough seeing the success of others and wishing it were us instead. It’s something we eventually come to terms with as we gain more confidence and trust in our own abilities. We’re only human after all.
It isn’t easy being human, Laura.
I know it’s good marketing to present myself as confident and able—perfect—but I can’t stand feeling so phony.