I wish I were smarter.
That’s what I caught myself thinking the other day. My next thought was that I’m not as smart as I used to be. My third thought was a question,
What if I am as smart as I used to be because I never was as smart as I thought I was?
Maybe I just faked it better before. I spoke with authority, saying things that sounded true, so everyone thought I was smart. Or maybe I was delusional and believed I spoke the truth. Does that mean I’m saner now because I know how much I don’t know?
The blogger pondereth.
Haha! Welcome to the world of the worried-well imposter! If I ever meet a person of any achievement who isn’t still waiting to be ‘found out’, I become suspicious and wary because it’s not very normal. Note: ‘normal’; not ‘ordinary’ or ‘average’ or any other self deprecating expression the inner saboteur would like to apply, just ‘normal’. Tell it to shut up while you get on with being exceptional – I’m looking forward to your next novel
Thank you, Suzanne. It’s a great comfort for someone of your profession to tell me I’m normal.
Ah yes, the next novel. Editing is what sparked my initial wish to be smarter. I think I’ve broken through this morning, though. Renee is a troubled woman, so it’s a little disturbing to be in her mind.
Ah yes, wear a mental hazard suit
Lo! knowledge and wisdom, how I ponder thee.
As we get older we naturally become more aware. This leads to a somewhat realistic view of our own weight (by weight I mean conceptual – not physical) and where we fit on all of those grand scales with which we measure ourselves against the world.
If I had a penny for every time I’ve ponder this same question I’d be more than willing to share and we could both retire!
So, K., you’re saying we’re supposed face reality?
I’m so glad I write fiction, where I can create my own.
Oh heck no! I’m with you. I prefer to create my own reality, too. Besides, even if we are not at the TOP of the mental abilities ladder, we are surely not at the bottom either.
Ha, no we’re not at the bottom. Nowhere near.
That one made me laugh, but it is so true. Puts us on the path to true humility. Insanity is being absolutely certain.
I laughed too, Mary Jean.