Oh, for the love of writing!

2heartsIn a bit I’m going to share with you a post I wrote almost two years ago. I titled it “Write what you LOVE!” I wrote that post two months after The Brevity of Roses came out. I mentioned I’d starting writing a new novel, which became An Illusion of Trust. It’s now just about two months since Illusion was published and I’m in a “somber, angst-ridden” place again.

Partly that angst is expressed in working on this and that and the other, waiting for a project to spark my passion. Apparently, I’ll fall off the cliff after every novel I publish, but maybe the next time I’ll remember that’s normal for me and just ignore it. For now, I’m still anxious to experience that rush of being carried away with words. I’m hungry for that love of writing. Please, let me be “off and running again” soon.

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29 May, 2011

Yesterday, I started writing a somber, angst-ridden post. I guess the title and the hearts are clues this is not that post. My last post was a bit of a downer. Some of your comments led me to search my soul, question my Muse, and whine to some friends. Oh yeah, I can be a real joy.

The conclusion? I’d stopped writing for the sheer love of writing and started writing with the mindset of production. My work had ceased to be a creative expression and become merely a commercial product. I’d tried to force it. I worked on four different books. But ultimately, I ground to a halt.

Then a friend asked me to read the blurb for her next book, and the wheels started turning. Her blurb reminded me of one of my book ideas. I’d written up some notes and a couple of opening paragraphs. I looked for the file. It took me two hours because I couldn’t remember what I’d named the file, plus I thought I’d started it last year. When I finally found the right file, it had a nondescript name and was dated ’09.

I read what I’d worked up and realized the original idea wouldn’t quite work … but then … oh, then the floodgates opened! I could change this. I could tweak that. And—Oh!—what if this happened? I got so excited that I couldn’t write fast enough and had to go back to the computer to type.

I had doubts. “Is this crazy?” I asked myself. “Can I do this in my “genre”? “Could this be a good story?” I emailed a friend. She wrote back, “I think it would be great!” And that was confirmed when I remembered one of my favorite quotes:

“Listen to Mustn’ts, child, listen to the Don’ts.

Listen to the Shouldn’ts, the Impossibles, the Won’ts.

Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me.

Anything can happen, child, Anything can be.”

-Shel Silverstein

So, I’m off and running. I’m writing, writing, writing. I’m in love again.

Write what you love, dear readers. Life’s too short not to.

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Still not writing, but that’s all right!

I don’t know which is worse, having no story idea at all or having too many to choose from. I can’t decide which of three ideas to develop, so for now I’m not writing. I’m all right with that. I’m reading and catching up on some episodes of Mad Men, Revolution, Person of Interest, and Rectify—my new favorite.

That’s not to say I’m not thinking about writing. At least once a day I decide which book to work on, but before long I’m undecided again. I’d say that’s a clue to wait. Maybe I’ll write a new short story or two. Maybe I’ll take another look at that first novel I wrote. Or birth a poem.

maggieWe have a new puppy in our house to occupy me too. She’s a miniature schnauzer named Maggie. My husband and I have talked on and off about getting another dog since our springer spaniel, Lizzie, died. But coincidences surrounded the arrival of this dog in our lives.

First, I dreamed about my father and then, in that half-waking state afterward, I thought of the white puppy he told me he had in his childhood. Two days later, my husband happened to see a classified ad by a woman needing to sell her white puppy. She was asking $350—my husband offered her $50. She gasped and turned him down, of course, but he asked her to keep our phone number, just in case.

The woman said she got several calls and checked out a couple of prospects, but didn’t like them for one reason or another. She called us back and asked if we’d like to meet Maggie. So we did and found her perfect for us. On the way home, I realized I was hazy on the date our Lizzie died. For some reason, I always remember it as being in April, so I got out the vet records. What I discovered is that we adopted Maggie exactly four years after we lost Lizzie. Coincidences, yes. Still …

Anyway, that’s the state of my life as we head into mid-May—can you believe almost half the year is gone already? So yeah. I’m not writing, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? Maybe I’ll start work on the best novel of my life—the best so far, at least. What’s up with you?

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I’m a nominee!

A wonderful thing happened to me on Saturday. A friend alerted me to the list of 2013 nominees for the eFestival of Words Independent eBook Awards. She told me to pay attention to the General Fiction category. Lo and beheavenstobetsy! My novel The Brevity of Roses has been nominated.

nomineecircleTo be eligible for the award, books must be “English-language published in digital format for sale through retail channels between January 2011 and December 2012 by independent authors or small press publishers.” They are “peer” nominated through a ballot process. Peers include published authors, publishers, editors, reviewers, and librarians.

The rules forbid nominating a book you’ve written, edited, formatted, designed the cover for, were paid a fee to review, market, promote, or advertise, etc. Nor can you nominate books published by a spouse or partner, and they don’t allow “collaboration” by authors swapping nominations. So I have no idea who nominated my book—and the organization does not reveal that to nominees.

After the ballots are collected and judged valid, a vetting and elimination process begins.

If my book is announced as one of the finalists on July 1st, voting will be open to the public. You’ll probably hear me screaming, but I’ll also blog to let you know because I’ll be counting on you to help me out by voting and spreading the word.

But even if Brevity is not one of the finalists, this nomination was a desperately needed boost to my spirits and another factor to consider as I reflect on my work so far and where I want to take it next.

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Trudging Down That Dark Path of Despair

I said in my last post I needed to find some answers before I could move forward. At the time I wrote that post, I was in dialogue with a writer friend who is well-acquainted with the angst I expressed. A few hours after I published my post, she sent me a link to a brilliant one by Robin LaFevers on Writer Unboxed. Though I subscribe to that blog, I missed reading that post. Maybe it just wasn’t time yet.

darkpathThe title of that fantastic article is “The Seven Stages of Publishing Grief (or Hello Darkness, My Old Friend).” I felt as if it were written directly to me. Obviously it wasn’t  so there’s comfort in knowing that what I’ve been going through is common to all writers at some point in their career. As LaFevers writes:

So this seemed like a good time to talk about writers and disappointment. For while writing is one of the most rewarding pursuits in the world, publishing can be a long, slow, painful slog toward the pit of despair, and you can quickly find yourself in the soul sucking land of Major Disappointment. And guess what? This disappointment applies equally to pre-published, traditionally published, and indie published authors alike, so I guess that’s the upside: egalitarianism!

Yes, I’ve been “slogging toward the pit of despair” for a while now. But I’m overjoyed to know that’s normal—and survivable. I’ve read through those seven stages several times. I’ve been working through the Reflection stage, and now I’m about to move into Reconstruction. And I’m looking forward to Resurrection.  LaFevers says:

It’s essential that you don’t get stuck in one of the first four stages for the rest of your life. It is vitally important to your creative soul that you keep moving through them all the way to the Resurrection Stage, for without that, you’re simply stuck in a really ugly place for a very long time.

If you’re a publishing writer, or hope to be, do yourself a favor and go read that post. If you don’t need it now, save it because some day you’re going to find yourself trudging down that dark path.

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My Month of No Writing

My self-imposed hiatus from writing is over. I needed to take a break because I’d just published another novel and wanted to get caught up on things I’d neglected while working on that book. I stepped away from the keyboard, did some housework, and started reading again. So did I cheat by writing?

Well, I succeeded in not writing any new fiction, but I did revise two short pieces. One I needed to submit to my critique group and the other I’m considering submitting to an online journal. But it was easy not to start on a new novel project—too easy.

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I have a serious case of the writing blahs. It’s not because I don’t have an idea for another novel. In fact, I have four ideas, in various stages of pre-writing. But I have no enthusiasm for working on any of them because I’m questioning everything to do with writing.

Actually, that’s not true. I don’t question why I write. I always have and will continue to make up stories, some to write down and others to keep in my head, because that entertains and challenges me. So I guess what I’m really questioning is publication—what to publish, how to publish, whether to publish at all.

I’m a little angry at myself about all this indecision. I thought I’d settled this long ago. I’ve been published for two years now, and I’ve stated that my true aim for publishing was only to share my writing. Now I’ve done that and even had the thrill of total strangers telling me how much they loved my stories. So am I whiney and shallow to be dissatisfied?

That’s only one of the many questions draining my energy. Every time I think I’ve weighed the pros and cons of something I’m questioning, the whole thing slips and slides and flips on me. I talk myself into something and then talk myself out of it. Clearly I don’t have any solid answers yet. But I think I’m going to have to find some before I regain the motivation to start writing another novel because, right now, my Muse is just lying there, inert with the blahs.

Can you relate?

Big news week!

My author activity this past week was about as opposite of my usual as possible. First I announced the publication of my new novel An Illusion of Trust in ebook and then in print. I also announced a two-day giveaway of The Brevity of Roses ebook. So my first full week of not writing still had a lot of writing-related activity.

I also made the pair of earrings pictured, went to a concert, brushed up on my knitting skill, and read two books that have been on my Kindle forever. Maybe this week I’ll get to some of that much-needed blue_earhousework. And I need to weed the flower beds. I’ll definitely continue my reading spurt. And if I could get some drawing done this month, it would be a perfect hiatus.

Speaking of reading, if you’re a member of Goodreads, I’m sure you received notice that it’s “joined the Amazon family.” The social media world went crazy with that news. I’ve read a lot of pros and cons on this now, but I don’t understand the merger implications enough to take sides. Though, since my books are sold at Amazon and I own a Kindle, I think whatever changes might occur at Goodreads will be in my favor.

Since I’m not writing, but can’t help thinking about writing, I’ve been asking myself why I want to write and then why I want to write specific stories and ultimately why I want to publish what I write. I know the simple answers to those questions, but I’m hoping to reach a deeper level of understanding. If I succeed, I’ll share my reasons in a future post.

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