This is probably the most honest post you’ll ever read on this blog. It’s also the most ego-stroking. And it’s my longest. Wow, a real record-breaker!
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that I am in the query stage for my novel The Brevity of Roses. Yes, I know we’re admonished to be careful what we say publicly about agent rejections, but if any agent reads this, maybe they’ll also be curious about the second part of this post. For the record, I would like to make a statement on this agent search process: Querying sucks!
I know, I know, I’ve read all the same pep talk you have … but I’ve concluded that’s mostly bull!
- “Don’t take rejection personally.” Yes, of course, the agent is not rejecting me as a person … (s)he is only rejecting the writing I’ve slaved over for two years, which was the whole point of the query, thank you very much!
- “The market is very tight right now.” Granted, but books are still being published—by debut as well as established authors. And some of them aren’t exactly mind-blowing stories … or even that well-written!
- “Whether or not it sells, be proud that you’ve completed a novel. Congratulations!” Uh … yeah. Look, writing is my full-time job … and I work a lot of overtime. So a conservative estimate of hours put into this novel is 6,240—six thousand two hundred and forty hours. But you think I should be satisfied with proudly telling people: “I’ve written a novel and if you’d like to read it … I can pull it up on my computer.” Really?!
However, one consolation I will accept: “If an agent doesn’t love your book, isn’t excited about pitching it to editors, that’s not the best agent for you.” That makes sense … and so the search continues.
Now, for the ego-stroking part of this post. I’ve mentioned before that I had submitted my novel for critique again. This would be the first time anyone read the entire new-and-improved version … yes, the one I believed was ready to query. That didn’t mean I couldn’t make it better. So, when Kayla Olson volunteered, I took her up on it.
Since the first round of agents I queried weren’t clamoring for the right to represent this novel, discouragement had raised its poisonous head. Then Kayla started reading and sending me multi-page notes on what she read. As it turns out, my novel is mostly polished, which is a relief—but a personal benefit has been in reading statements like these:
“Linda, the true beauty and depth of your writing is made so much from all the intricately woven detail – I think that’s one reason I’m totally eating this thing up. I am a detail girl, a subtlety-lover, a theme-devourer, and connection-maker. You give me much food.”
“The Brevity of Roses is the perfect title for this novel: every chapter, the rose opens up a little more, where not only can I see that there are more layers of petals than I ever imagined, but I can see deep inside to where the petals are attached. Depth and fragile beauty, gradually opening.”
Please understand, I don’t appreciate her critique just because she praises my writing. She’s also pointed out where it would be stronger if I moved a scene from one chapter to another, and where I needed to add a short scene, and here’s what she said about my twelfth chapter:
“After reading eleven chapters before this one, I KNOW you have the ability to choose words and arrange them in a way that haunts me and resonates in my head during parts of the day when I’m doing ordinary things. This one – while far from anything bad, in my opinion – seemed to lack that special spark.
You’re great at communicating tone and emotion through actions, and through the details of sight/smell/touch/noise/silence/subtle allusion. Here, for example, I don’t get as much of that – it just feels too ordinary.”
How’s that for softening the blow? 🙂 Needless to say, I took her seriously, reread that chapter closely, and it’s now under revision. Kayla has the three last chapters of my novel left to read. Of course, I hope she’ll enjoy it to the end, but even if she doesn’t, I have faith that she will give me plenty of great suggestions to consider in her notes.
I’ve received so much excellent feedback from my critique partners throughout the writing of this novel … and some of them gave me praise very like Kayla’s. Their support kept me going to finish the writing and then through the revision and rounds of editing. I in no way mean to diminish their input. But I am thankful that I accepted Kayla’s offer for one last critique because it’s come just when I needed it most.
Somehow, I had forgotten earlier compliments on my writing, and even though I professed (even on this blog) that my novel was a good one, I secretly doubted and began to think it might indeed be worthy of nothing more than moldering on my hard drive.
Now, I truly believe it’s publication worthy … which, unfortunately, brings me back to the teeth-grinding, hair-ripping, nail-biting process of agent querying. Oh, the agony!
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I seem to be blogging a lot of confessions lately, and here’s another. An accumulation of Real Life stresses finally wiped me out. Since this blog focuses on my writer’s journey, I’ll share how my lowered defenses affected that.
Today is not a good writing day for me. I don’t want to write. I don’t even want to think about writing. I can’t even turn to comfort food because I’m dieting. So, I’ve decided to laugh and I invite you to laugh along with me.