Novel, Publish, Writing

Publication Passion

Passion flower
Passion flower

I had a different post written for today, but then decided the topic wasn’t really what was on my mind. What I really want to talk about is passion. Actually, I want to talk about two related passions. The first is the passion for writing. Most of you who read this blog share that one. Some of you participated in my recent survey. One of the questions was whether you feel you were born to write. Some of you said yes. My answer was no.

I’ve always made up stories to amuse myself, but I didn’t feel a compulsion to write many of them down until ten years ago. I wasn’t sure what changed. I was older and had more life experience? My children were grown and I had more free time? I had cycled out of one obsession and needed a new one? Whatever the cause, suddenly I felt a compulsion to write. The more I wrote, the more passionate I became about writing.

But I don’t think the world needs to read my stories. I don’t believe any of my books will ever be considered great literature. I won’t die if I can’t write; I’ll just go back to keeping the stories in my head.

For nine years, even though I loved writing and believed I was good at it, I never sought publication. Now, in the last year, I’ve developed the passion for publication. I want to be published. I really want to be published. Not for money, though of course a little monetary profit would be a definite plus, but I’ve researched enough to know that as a new author, I can expect to make very little money.

What I want … what I need is validation. Here’s the problem: I feel foolish admitting that.

Why should I need validation from the powers that be? I’ve spent my whole as a very private person. In that life, I’m loved and respected. I’m secure in that life. So why open myself up to public judgment? I joke about it, but I have no illusions that I’m writing the next BIG novel. My name will not become a “household word.” Yet, I push forward. This passion mystifies me, yet I can’t deny it.

Do you have the publication passion? Do you know why?

Advice, Block, Critique, Doubt, Fiction, Novel, Tips, Writing

Passion

heartsThings have been a little silly around this blog lately, read the last two posts and comments, if you don’t believe me. Thank you all for sticking with me. I needed that bit of levity. However, I’m going to go deeper today … though, knowing me, I won’t be too serious about it.

I don’t have a lot of “public” writing experience. All my life, I’ve composed tales in my mind, and I’ve written many of them down, but it’s fairly new for me to expose them to an outsider’s critical eye. So, I’m still working on the confidence angle. I’m easily disheartened by doubt. I tend to believe that every writer knows more than I do about the craft. Well, someone posed a question about one of my characters and BAM! … I’ve been on life support this past week.

I’ve blogged about this before. I knew what was happening, and I was pretty sure it wouldn’t last, but there’s always that sniggling voice in the back of my mind saying, this time I really need to face the fact that I can’t write. Or, at least, I can’t finish this novel. Maybe the whole premise is stupid; the characters are weak, confused, ridiculous; there’s no story; there’s too much story; or maybe not—maybe I just have no clue how to write. Never did. Never will.

But … but … but, I want to write this story. It’s not an important story. It’s not going to change the world, change your outlook on life, or even change the batteries in your remote, but I love this story. I love the characters. I’m passionate about this book. And my passion counts for something, right? NO!!!

Passion counts for a lot.

A couple days ago, I looked through some photos of portraits I’ve done and picked out a favorite to share with someone. It hit me that the reason that I’m proud of that work is not only because it’s technically well executed, but because I felt something about the person. And those feelings came through. That passion flowed into my work. The portrait is alive.

So, I’m back to work now. I’m writing my story, my way … and it’s breathing quite well.